Shakespr - I'm going to add my voices to all of those telling you to slow down for a moment. Yes, you're pissed right now (understandably),and I would venture to guess that this has probably been one of the worst days of your life, right? My .02 is that this is a time for reflection, not action. Read the section on infidelity (and while you're at it read some articles about "affair fog" and how that literally might be affecting your wife's brain). Pause. Let this sink in. By all means, discuss child custody options with your lawyer. And, this is just my opinion, but I would avoid any more discussions with her right now (other than anything related to immediate childcare needs). I've made plenty of mistakes in my situation, but one of the few things I'm glad about is that I waited almost a week before I had any discussion with H at all. If I had to do it all over, I would have waited even longer, because it was still impossible for me to control all my anger at that point, and that ended up doing some damage.
Finally, I'm not excusing what your wife did. I'm not excusing my husband for his affairs. But I do believe that most people who have affairs and leave their spouses are in crisis and that they are hurting. I'm trying to let my compassion be more of a guide and not my anger.
Stay strong and be a happy dad for your kids. So many of us are thinking of you and your family and praying for you.
