Like what your W has done or not, you are under certain moral and legal obligations to provide for your family. If you want to pull the rug out from under her in a way that keeps the road home paved, then I suggest you talk to a lawyer, find out what your legal requirement WRT support are, and then make a contract with your wife that puts that into effect.
Then, she can't ask you for financial help because she's getting what she's entitled to. She can ask you for other kinds of help, but as part of your distancing you can politely decline. But your a$$ is covered and she won't have recourse to the law that would force her to do more than you are willing to do.
Thank you for saying this Maybell. It has bothered me for a while that some LBH are so willing to pull out all financial support from their WAW, even when there are children involved. (Pilot, please don't take that personally, it's not about you. It's just a feeling I've had for a while and I happen to be posting it on your thread. Please don't take offense.) No matter what she's doing at the moment, you both had a hand in creating marital assets, and she probably played a role in whatever job you have been able to work your way into now. Echoing Maybell, that gives even a LBS a moral obligation, imo.
Legally, in my state, it makes no difference whether I am left behind or walk away. The financial division is the same. I totally agree that talking to a L and finding out what your legal obligations would be is a good step to figuring this out. You don't have to fund a new lifestyle, but you don't have to cause her unnecessary financial stress either.
