Joe and Newleaf, thanks for your male perspectives on the conversational space thing. Yup, I think us ladies have noticed that you have no trouble shutting out and it drives us NUTS just so you know!
More seriously though, I was always so touched when my H showed me that he truly heard something I said. Like even just the other day, he asked me about something that I said when we met up a month ago. To my mind it was just a passing comment that I didn't even think he picked up. It was just a small thing, but it caught me by surprise when he brought it up again on Sunday - reminded me of that nice quality of his. Actually, I think he's a better listener than I am.
Maybe you fellas need to give yourselves more credit? If only you could look like you were listening then we might not go so crazy at you! (Although now I've read HTIYMWTAI and understand that the looking away thing runs a litter deeper...)
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Me: 34 W:33 T: 10 M: 6 S: 6 D: 5 BD: 5/14 Still together(ish) Not giving up: 7/14 D talk has slowed, a lot. Gradually working on things together. Still separate bedrooms. Slow and Steady wins the race.
Ganb8te I had to chuckle about the "couple" thing. I think I was in my mid 20s before I realized that "a couple" meant 2. I felt quite stupid. In my mind it had always signified 2 or more. "A couple minutes" meant probably less than 10. I'll have "a couple of" cookies meant 4 cookies. haha.
Yeah so if I said "a couple of weeks" to you it would probably mean within the month. Now I try to correct myself and say "a few" instead.
I know what you mean about the listening thing. Sometimes I would think my H was a great listener as he would recall some small thing I or someone else said in passing. On the other hand he would also rarely remember appointments that I had set. His question "Are we doing anything Saturday?" was often met with incredulous shock as I had just an hour earlier outlined our detailed plans for Saturday. Selective hearing I suppose.
I would like to be a better listener. I'm pretty terrible. I'm also pretty terrible at silence unless I am in a bad or pensive mood.
My goodness ganb8te that 'if' sounds great to me too. I wish my wife would say 'if'. Right now she says 'it's over, it's run it's course'.
I got an 'it wasn't me, it was the relationship' last weekend after I said she had started this turn of events. Hmmmm.
I have always been able to sit in silence. I am known for having 'quite days', but sitting in silence these days is more difficult with that elephant in the room. I mentioned on my thread that it's rally difficult to just talk s so much is now 'out of bounds' and almost everything else sems trivial. Nice weather for this time of year doesn't really cut it.
(Not so) Old Dog xx
Last edited by Old Dog; 09/30/1411:49 PM.
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
But it is nice weather for this time of year, Old Dog. It's funny but when the sun is a-shining and the sky is blue I have my greatest temptations to reach out to H. I suppose it's because I feel stronger and more confident when there is good weather. Good thing the summer is coming up down under.
IC appointment tomorrow. Planning on talking through some of the ways a new R could be "very different" from the old R.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Granb8te I think the 'if' sounds very promising. I would be delighted with that.
And I totally get the reaching out thing - I get that all the time. Sometimes I try and distract myself so I don't actually physically touch his face or arm. If I did I'm sure he would recoil in horror.
Me - 44 Husband - 47 D20, S18 BD - Aug 2013 Moved out - Jan 2014 OW discovered Jan 2014
