Newbie Error- LRT too Soon- help!

[Bart42]

Thanks, Sandi- you nailed it- Starsky is the one who changed me from the desperate clinging H who walked in here a month ago to the new improved version here today.

To answer your previous question, no ML since A was discovered as EA in the end of May- we did some handholding and innocent smooching while doing MC through the summer, but once I discovered at the start of Sept. that the A never ended there has been no affection at all- I completely withdrew on that front. W is just fine with the no ML part (historic issues there we will have to work through if we ever R) but the lack of any affection has bothered her- as all her comments about "not moving closer together" (um, hello!) evidenced.

I don't have to tell you that this is a very critical time. The way you deal within the next several days could turn things one way or the other....I think you are correct in acting as if nothing has changed for you

Don't try to be her buddy or BFF.

OK, critical times and I need to make sure I get this right- I'm concerned that if I maintain 100% lack of affection, set up D mediation and keep contact as dark as I can given kids, the message she will hear is that there is no chance for the M. She has no real close friends to turn to and I'm worried lack of caring/support from me will just drive her back to OM.

Remember being a hardass and not creating calm, supportive home environment were some of my historic shortcomings- also W is such a strong willed, prideful person I can almost see her letting the M go to the grave b/c she's too headstrong to be the one to reach out.

I realize my being strong forced the situation with the OM so I need to stay the course with what has worked so far, its just that the stakes are so so high. I realize all I would be doing would be restating my willingness to work on the M- which would be read as weak by her, but boy is this tough to just sit back and watch.

Txt from W this morning asking me about flight times started with "hi Hun" and bantered about nothing- critical time for our M yet I feel like we are still in the twilight zone.