WAW still at home 12 weeks after asking for D

[bdub]

Cadet,

So far I have worked on getting better at communicating. Through my IC and through DB,DR, 5ll, 10 lessons to change your marriage, and rebuilding, I have learned how to have a conversation without attacking, criticizing and displaying contempt. I am working on 180s on being controlling, helping out around the house and interacting with my boys. All of these are certainly a work in progress, especially the controlling part. I really struggle with giving up control.

I have made an effort to have multiple positive interactions with my boys every day. I have started lifting them up, instead of shutting them down and being their "ruler".

I have been working on detaching. Until last week I think I had done very well. Last week I slid back really bad and started letting her emotions and actions effect mine. I started "waiting on her" to determine what mood I was in and how I was going to act. I am working on getting back to being detached. It is very hard with her still in the house.

I am working on showing my W more respect. I am working on understanding that she is an adult and she is perfectly capable. I am struggling with this daily because she is being selfish and illogical right now, and I have a terrible time dealing with that. I know that she is going to not act, or do things the way I want or even the way she used to do. I need to accept that. Last night was a good example. She was going to be late getting s10 to football. I had to take s13 to soccer. Instead of hurrying them along and pushing to get them out the door, I left and let her be the adult and take care of the situation.

She is 100% certain she is moving on with the D. We negotiated on the time frame. She wanted to have it done by now, I wanted to wait until 6 months after she moved out. We settled on doing it after jan. 1. I want time away from each other to make sure i am 100% sure, she just wants it over. Right now she is talking to OM on the phone for 2 hours a day and sending 100 texts a day. I think she saw him the last 2 weekends but I am not sure. She is so deep in her fog right now.
Regarding finances: We ar doing a dissolution. She has agreed to walk away with a certain amount of money and she will deed over the house and the 5 rental properties that we own. We put the farm and the farm equipment in a trust with the boys name on it. Setting up that trust saved me a LOT of money. We both want to see me continue to farm, and to pass the farm on to the boys. More later I am out of time.

Thanks for your input cadet.