Walk away partner after 22 years . First post

[MrBond]

"Here's a question then if my WAW is MLC and isn't very sound mentally and saying hurtful things to the kids and not being very loving etc with them would it be best for ius all to go NC until the fog has cleared a little ."

You need to detach. PERIOD. It doesn't matter if she's in an MLC or whatever. The WAS will say the most hurtful things to the ones closest to them because that's their defense mechanism. Sometimes you need to stand up to her when she goes off. I don't mean physically, but show her that you mean business.

For example, when my W was at her worst, she would say the most hateful things that I knew weren't right. Most of those comments, I just kind of laughed off as you would to a comments made by a crazy person. But some, I stopped her before she went to far, looked her in the eye and told her that what she was saying was extremely disrespectful and that I was not going to be talked to in that way and not have the kids be treated wrongly. She knew I meant business at that point and then she would suddenly change into Mary Poppins.

Many say that the WAS acts like a teenager. Sometimes you have to treat them as such.

"What I'm worried about is W destroying her very fragile relationship with D as she has done with S . "

Unfortunately it's not your job to fix. You can't help an addict if they don't want to be helped. When you do, it just re-enforces their thoughts. Leave it alone and you won't put fuel to the fire. Be there for your son and teach him how to recognize this.

"My family have said to just leave things as they are and see what happens but I can see a change in my daughter towards her mum again . Like my D has stopped replying to texts from her mum and not telling her how her counselling went ."

Like I said, it's not your problem.

"Do I push my kids to keep making contact or do I just leave them to sort it out for themselves ?"

You be in your kids' corners. Be there for them. Support them. Love them. If they have questions, let them talk to you about it. But be strong and validate their hurt. They're just as confused as you are.