"She had no interest in going out with me even if I tried was always busy with her friends . "
Surely it couldn't have always been like this. When did things change?
"Nope was never allowed even if I did Ask . I was told several times they were her friends and not mine ."
So you never hung out with her friends?
it's very easy to confuse people on these boards. Thankfully South, your screename is more memorable than most.
I think we feel confused b/c you, South, are acting conflicted.
A lot of what you say is as if you're mystified as to what went wrong in your m. Other remarks indicate you do know what went wrong, and it's Not just one small thing. It's several things, some of which are quite important.
The more you play the "what happened TO Me?" Card, the more stuck you will be in Learned Helplessness. Get yourself Unstuck. Only YOU can. And go from this day forward
BECAUSE UNLESS you are processing an insight and deciding to Change a behavior of yours (that you realize is a flaw/pattern of yours),
there is no reason to wallow in the past.
When yo du study a behavioral problem, choose a solution and then go and DO that..."Execute" the solution.
Otherwise just stay in the moment (which mandates you letting go of the past slights real and imagined) and take care of TODAY
Time for action, not wallowing. Make sense?
.
I'm getting there thanks to yours an mr bonds posts . I think I'm still confused and hurt about W leaving the kids and grabbing at straws for an answer . And blaming her and then blaming myself it's a vicious circle I'm stuck In currently .
I'm trying to finish the book DB but it's hard reading it .
Was talking to my son last night and he is not in a good place. He has had no contact with his mum appart from going over for dinner last sunday and he has had enough . I feel like texting W about it but after her comments to daughter about thinking she would be over it all I can see she still isn't in a good place mentally . That's all I keep saying to him is to give it time and that mum is not thinking very straight at the moment but he is adamant that if she does contact him he is going to be very rude to her , trying to put that politely. Just hope his counselling goes well for him on Thursday .
Here's a question then if my WAW is MLC and isn't very sound mentally and saying hurtful things to the kids and not being very loving etc with them would it be best for ius all to go NC until the fog has cleared a little . What I'm worried about is W destroying her very fragile relationship with D as she has done with S . My family have said to just leave things as they are and see what happens but I can see a change in my daughter towards her mum again . Like my D has stopped replying to texts from her mum and not telling her how her counselling went . D replied to me when I asked her did she let mum know how the counselling went " can't be bothered with mum at the moment"
Do I push my kids to keep making contact or do I just leave them to sort it out for themselves ?
Me 40 W 37 Together 22 years S18 D12 WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life After the 2 weeks she has left .
