Walk away partner after 22 years . First post

[25yearsmlc]

Wow just hit rock bottom .
Making plans for Wednesday dropping daughter round my sisters and then taking son to cinema to watch a film and get something to eat and D mentions it your birthday dad .

I know it's odd for you to have forgotten BUT maybe it's not so bad.

You avoided some of the pain that might have come by contrasting the day, with how you wish or had always assumed you would be spending your 40th...but hey, at least you weren't obsessing about it. Could be worse, AND you can always celebrate it next week/month with other loved ones.

And God bless your sweet d for remembering!!

And it just hit me this massive wave of emotion that it's my 40th birthday and I'd forgot .
Gonna be a tough day on Wednesday

Wednesday----is that the real birthday or when you see your w? Regardless, see what YOU CAN do for fun.

Create your own celebration. One for you and the kids that's FUN (don't act as if nothing fun happened that day, even if it ends up being the case) and another celebratory activity with your buddies or extended family.

when my h was "away" on our 24th anniversary, he sent some flowers with a generic "Happy 24th" card...and I was alone with my d's...Then a neighbor, the father of my d's bff, took us all out for dinner.

I was touched and embarrassed by his gesture....SO the next year, for our 25th anniversary when I knew h would be in Alaska for his big adventure...

I took my kids to Italy and had the best vacation I've ever had. I saved for it, I borrowed for it and I SPENT for it. Zero regrets. It also irked h, but I only learned that much later and it wasn't my goal.


We Proved that we, as a family- could have a blast on our own, with or without h.

I'm a military veteran and so is h. We know a lot of military families who lose a spouse/parent to deployments that last a LONG time. And we have ourselves.

((Or worse, they lose the parent/spouse to death or serious injury, and now & then to being MIA. I mean, talk about LIMBO...thank God we don't have many MIAs lately b/c that is probably the hardest thing on a family. But I digress.))


We had to learn to do it like so many other families have There really are families "missing" a parent for awhile, sometimes indefinitely, who manage to be happy. Just b/c your wife is "out" for some time, does not prevent you and or the kids from enjoying a trip or holiday OR from making a new memory.

I know, b/c we did just that. The 1st Xmas when I knew h would leave the day after, I planned a short, fairly inexpensive ski trip. It was <3 hour drive to the snow, with a hot tub, and it was for just 3 days. The planning for the trips is also very fun and the kids seemed empowered. Not "Waiting for the missing parent to return, so much as watching their remaining parent take charge and creating some happiness for themselves and their kids. It really REALLY helped my kids to feel good and safe about our lives.

3 days away, skiing in the day, with a hot tub and movies on a widescreen TV and games and pizza, makes for a wonderful holiday for your kids. It didn't break the bank. I only thought of h a few times. (Compared to Italy, when I rarely thought of him, it was a good start.)

(FYI----On my GAL list, there are tons of things that did not cost much or were free, just so you know.)

You can create FUN TIMES, and now's the time to show that to your kids AND to enjoy it yourself. Keep on keeping on, this does get better. I promise.