I can be the lighthouse but not the tugboat

[daring]

Teeter tottering back to some anger again. I hate seeing my kids hurting b/c of this sitch. D13 is just an emotional mess which leads to adolescence on steroids behavior. H was dealing with her today but was very frustrated ( rightfully so) and set reasonable boundaries. I can see her hurting, and I remember being that little girl too so it triggers similar issues for me ( yep- my chit to work through).
I told him ( nicely) that it's hardfor me to see this happening with the kids and I get angry. He said you're at the front of the line of people angry with me but it's better than the alternative, which he described as us constantly angry with each other. Huh??? Must be MLC logic.
Later he walked up to me and said " I'm sorry, I'm listening and I know this is hard on everyone, especially D13". He said he doesn't want to be the bad guy forever either, and that he's trying. <<< not sure what this last part means but his stopping and thinking and trying to respond in a healthy way was refreshing.

I know the MLC spouse is hurting and can't handle others' ( especially LBS) hurt, but what about the innocent kids in all of this? I really have the hardest time DBing and being understanding with H when they are hurting.

Writing helps. It makes me work through the anger. And it makes me think about the pain I see in my kids and have compassion for H since I know his journey is much like an adult version of adolescence with wounds long forgotten but needing to be dealt with.

Sigh