I'll start with yesterday- W's bday. As a family, we went to lunch, then a corn maze. W and I then went to dinner. Overall a positive day- I don't recall any negative interactions during the day. I felt like the roles were reversed as W spent the day asking me plenty of questions- about the wedding, the trip, what I did, etc. At one point she even asked me a few questions about fantasy football. I don't think she would have asked about that even pre S. I couldn't help wonder if that was 'homework' from her MC session.
So MC session today where we spent the hour reading our homework answers to each other. W's weren't as thorough as mine, but for the most part we seemed to agree on what led up to this point, how each of us contributed, what needs to change, etc. MC seemed to be on my 'side' most of the session, especially when I explained my reasoning behind moving back to the house and that it was my decision and W had her own to make. Felt good that MC backed me, but I could see it angered W.
Now we come to my confusion....I had told MC about the no contact letter and full transparency in my one on one session and although she wasn't aware of that approach (and DB in general), she seemed on board. However, tonight when I mentioned that I would need access to email, etc to help rebuild trust, MC was against it. She's definitely pro-marriage and wants us to work, but I was taken back by her recommendation. Basically she said that W giving me all her passwords would cause the opposite effect- more resentment. I explained the difference between privacy and secrecy in a M and that I needed to feel secure that OM contact wasn't ongoing. MC asked W if she'd be willing to close her facebook account (their method of communication), to which she said yes. She then asked me if I'd be willing to go along with W when she hangs out with the OM circle of friends. W said she'd be willing to take me along, but acknowledged it would be awkward at first. MC said it would show solidarity in our M to show up together. I told them that I wanted no part of 'hanging out' with OM.
We had to move on as time was running out, but that really threw me for a loop as it's opposite of the advice I receive here (and other places) and seemed so strange coming from a MC. I know the feedback I'm going to receive as a result of this post, but I want to sit on this 'compromise' for a few days to process. I'm really just shocked at the moment.
I could go on about what else was discussed- me doubting feelings would return when OM is still in the picture, W noticing my increased confidence in myself, MC asking W to commit to the M 1 day at a time, but this post is already long enough. Our next session begins solution based therapy.
On one hand, W and I do seem to be getting along better and she seems open to several things MC recommended or asked of her that display a willingness to work on our M, but on the other hand- is continued OM contact (and interaction) something I'm willing to live with?
