To DB or not to DB, is it really a question?

[CaliGuy]

Hang in there man, at this point all you can do is worry about you. I jus tcaught up on your sitch ... The one thing I will say is maybe when you tell the children it will become more real for you both, maybe then you can detach a bit better, and maybe then she will realize the gravity of it all. I think when I look back .. the mediation session my WAW and I went to did this. Seems thats when things started to turn a bit for the better, I can only mind read ... and we all know the trouble I will catch for that ... but I do log on the calendar and it seems to have had an impact.

Touching on the humor thing .... man .... I am right there. I realized I used it to hide ... from myself and my problems. To a point I would belittle others with it, not so much my W .. although I am sure I did ... but even strangers ... I thought I was being funny, in fact I was just an a$$hole ripping people who did not deserve it. I am not saying you are doing that ... but that was one of my deep character flaws that I had pointed out to me by an angry WAW ... so I looked at it closely and realized regardless .. I wanted to change that, humor is good, but only in certain situations, when its used incorrectly it has devastating effects that I am now realizing in many of the relationships I have.

[Shakspr]

On the humor thing...I have decided to approach it the same way I do (moderate) alcohol use. I only do it when I am in a good mood to begin with.

Haven't done much drinking since BD, that's for sure. 3 beers in 6 weeks.

[jim0987]

I too do the humour thing and I think the only when in a good mood is sage advice along with steering well clear of any topics that you know are touchy for either side.

[Shakspr]

EA + probably PA discovered. Text message confirmation.

I am livid. Don't know how I will broach, but buddy, the gloves are coming off.

If she thought she was walking away with my kids to be with some boxing coach, she's got another think coming.

I can't believe I cosigned that damned lease.

[jim0987]

Shakspr. That's rough. Hope your holding up OK.

[Shakspr]

I'm fine. Now the suddenness of her BD and relative failure of DB (even when I was doing it better a month ago) makes sense...in the short term, anyway. Deciding my next move. Intend to confront, let her know if she comes clean we can keep things moving (or try to reconnect!, which is what I really want) civilly, but there's about to be a new sheriff in town. My kids are NOT going to be raised by another man. F that.

I'm certainly detached now.

I kid you not, a gym owner. Classic.

[LoveMyW]

Holy carp Shakspr!!.. Keep your head up buddy..

[Shakspr]

My head's high. I still did all the things I said I did on Day 1. But I have been there for her - thick and thin. (Mostly thick)

I have never come close to an A.

This certainly makes things interesting. No wonder she's working so hard on her bod.

[jim0987]

Just take it easy and make sure you make time for yourself to think through whats next. Is confronting going to be the right thing to do? What do you want to acheive by confronting? Hopefully one of the vets can chime in with some actual advice.

Sandi put a really good explanation about her fog on my thread which might help you.

In the meantime and as absurb as it sounds try and have a good day. Im still rooting for it to work out for you

[Shakspr]

Of course I am going to confront. I agreed to, but did not yet sign, an uncontested divorce with her being managing conservator. That's off the table.

Need to see if we can put that on the back burner and aim for a separation. She can go have her damn affair. I can handle everything that I need to.