Again, I don't think he is having a MLC, but I think some of the ways of dealing with it can be useful in my situation. Anyone else have experience with a WAS who is not midlife but going through an identity crisis?
Hi Lisa, I have absolutely no idea what's going on with my WAH, but a MLC was certainly suggested (by my DB coach) so I ended up reading up on the subject quite a bit. Like your husband, mine fits some but not all of the MLC criteria. However, he was definitely depressed, and apparently MLC is a type of depression (so who knows which one is happening, since a lot of the symptoms are the same). Alas, with both of these conditions the advice appears to be back off(while being friendly and keeping the way home smooth- so nothing different than what you are already doing), because they are the only ones that can fix themselves. I will say that my DB coach said that to a a depressed person, having an affair would be like using crack cocaine, which is why you can only sit back and wait for the high to wear off. My personal opinion is that in my case anyway, H always thought he was the type of guy who would never, ever have an affair, and now he is having to come to terms with the fact that he has broken his own moral code and is not the man he thought he was. That must be tough - occasionally I even feel some sympathy for him.
Its maddening when they are not themselves, you really want a "diagnosis" that explains what the heck is going on, but alas I don't think either one of us will get a definitive answer any time soon. My marriage was also easy going and conflict free, we used to talk with relief about how drama free our lives were compared to other people's relationships. Times have changed.....
