Do I walk away from WAW? (1)

[1foot2]

Making my way thru DB and wishing I'd read it years ago. Why did I feel like relationships were just magic and that we were smart enough to just figure things out on my own (and how do I get WAW to reach this conclusion? Heh. I know there's no easy answer there)?

Trying to think of ways I can still show W love and support without her cake eating. I'm also very alarmed with how the kids are processing this. Oldest is withdrawing, far moodier. Middle S has always been very needy, demanding (possibly OCD) and this is now in absolute hyperdrive. Yesterday, literally seconds after W left for the night, I put an empty cup in the sink. A minute later middle S came in and asked where the cup with the spider he found was. I had unknowingly put his spider in the sink. For the next hour at least, he was losing his mind, not just sad about the spider, but angry at me for intentionally drowning it, despite me carefully explaining how it was an accident. These episodes are daily now, sometimes several, and I know it's how he is expressing his confusion and lack of control with what is going on. W and I have been avoiding having conversations about this. She seems to be in denial, compartmentalizing her and his behavior (he has always been this way), and I am avoiding bringing it up a: to avoid R talk and b: because I fear that she will deflect this back on to me. But it is a massive elephant in the room. As is the fact that she most likely blew off her therapy intake. I feel like I need to plan a conversation about both of these things that somehow demonstrates my strength and does not come across as controlling. As sandi has pointed out, there are days where she seems happy to be an available loving M to the kids, and days where it just doesn't seem to work for her.

I feel like I am succeeding in all other areas of this process but this one. She didn't come home last night and I didn't give a rip. But our kids are suffering, and I can only shield and pretend at normalcy for so long.