I tried to get out yesterday and I failed miserably. It was awful. I'm too ashamed to even write it all.
Then, in my self-loathing meltdown, I had this genius idea and sent a text attack on H.
You can guess how that went.
I am still to blame for everything wrong in his life, plus some new things. But he said he doesn't hate me.
He said we could have been great. Three separate times he said the MLC mantra, "we can never go back". He said that even if by some miracle we were together, there is too much residual damage.
He said he will probably be single forever. And I "ruined him sexually." And the permanent scars that I left are now causing him to not be able to become aroused. His words, "that's just lovely."
He said he has had lots of opportunities with women, unlike anything he has ever seen, as he has "never received attention"(He was very shy in high school, over-worked and neglected at home). But that he is "way way picky" and his criteria is "very very high" and probably no one will meet his standards. He said "lessons learned in life. So be it".
He said he is trying to find himself. And that right now he is "not unhappy single". He is "alive and nothing or no one is beating me down each day". He said he is going back to working on music.
He said he has to think about "him" and get back on track. He feels he is on that path. I pray he's right.
It's smoothed over now. He said we are "friends with boundaries." Yay me.
