No matter what you did this was going to happen. If you were too controlling it would have been that! If you weren't looking out for the well being of the family...then you didn't care enough to take care of her, Yada, Yada, Yada. Whatever you did the reaction from the spouse would have been the opposite.
It's great that you see what your faults/flaws were but the crises was within them and one day down the road the trigger would happen and Bam you get the fallout that was eventually going to happen.
"Give yourselves a break". I know its tough to believe that you had very little to do with where they are at......but it does give you a chance to improve yourself. Please use the time wisely.
