Mindsin - pt. 4 (the countdown begins)

[mindsin]

So I've been nosing through the wireless usage logs again. It started because my W didn't tell me where she was going, and I was simply concerned for her. I wanted to see that she was making calls /texts to verify that she was safe (where she is).

I know that this qualifies as snooping, but this is my wireless plan that she is on, so I feel entitled (right or wrong).

In my "research", I learned that she went on a road trip to a place that is about 14 hours away in the central timezone. Knowing where she went, there is absolutely no reason (that I can think of) that she needed to keep this from me.

I also learned that the last time she spoke with the OM was on 9/24 (nearly 5 days ago). She did text him a couple of times (the last one on 9/27) and it was surprising that it showed up on the usage details. My W has an iPhone and I suspect the OM did too (because those texts never logged in the usage reports). iPhone to iPhone messages go through iMessage. It's encrypted, and is not logged as a text message. Because of this, I never knew when or how often she texted him except for the times I saw her pecking away on the phone to him, or I saw her phone lying around with incoming messages from the OM unanswered.

This new piece of evidence suggests that the OM transferred his existing number to a new phone (that is not an Apple product), and it coincides with him joining this new company and starting his new role.

I hold my W in high regard and as someone of great integrity. It's one thing to stray from your H because you are unhappy in the marriage, or in my case, was betrayed. It's a completely separate thing to engage in a romantic relationship with a married man. I KNOW my W knows how wrong this is, even though she feels "entitled". After all, even if she were a single woman, shacking up with a married man is neither ethical or moral by any standards. She knows this. I think it's her sense of integrity that I'm hoping is finally breaking through the fog.

One thing she said to me 10 days ago is starting to ring in my head.

On one of the recent overnight stays, the OMW called my W and expressed how hurt she was. My W told the OM that he needs to go back home to his W.

I said to her, "Do you see how twisted that sounds? OMW needs YOUR permission for her H to come home to her."

She replied, "Well obviously I need to do that, don't I."

It's as if she has this attitude of "I can please your H like you (OMW) never could."

It's unfathomable to me how she could feel good about stealing another woman's H away from her. Maybe she just came off like that in the heat of conversation, and I never really gave it much thought -- until now. I'm not sure why.

Aside from all this drama, I feel like I've been making great strides in my personal growth and my "DB skills" are improving all the time.

I also feel that I have her parents in my corner, backing me up and giving me advice and keeping me hopeful. They've expressed that they sense their daughter is more confused than ever and she has come to them (especially her father) more and more over the past few weeks than before. Previously, she was avoiding them, and avoiding any talks regarding the OM, or me. Obviously I can't rely on them, but I don't probe them. I stopped doing that a while ago. It is they who come to me and feed me information and give me motivational talks.

I feel like it's only a matter of time before this A fizzles out. It may have fizzled out anyway, but the physical separation just accelerates the process. They will go from seeing each other every day to seeing each other once every two weeks (at most).

So many things are going in my way that I feel that there is an excellent chance that my W will eventually come around. I just need to stay patient and stay the course. This is a marathon, and I should expect setbacks. I have to keep reminding myself that.