Hi ganb8te! It's interesting to hear how your H's moving day went! And like you and Maybell said it is always uncanny to read the similarities in our situations.
I think you and I are in a very similar boat. No kids, no real ties, uncommunicative H's who don't really have much to say about why they don't want to be with us, just vague complaints about being unhappy or dissatisfied.
I totally relate to what you are saying about the conversation faltering. And for me that is a 180, to be quiet and wait for him to start talking. I always fill the space and talk more than him but lately when I see him I have been trying to be quiet. When sitting at a restaurant it can be a bit awkward but I try to sip my drink and just look around me appearing to be quietly relaxed. It's so hard. If we are doing a task together like driving or walking I try to be quiet and actually I count in my head. That began a long time ago before BD when I wondered how long it would take him to speak if I didn't. But it also works to keep my mind occupied and keep me from talking first. Maybe that could help you? Try not to have bored or annoyed face but just wear a slight smile and look like you are thinking about rainbows.
It sounds like your day went WELL! There were so many positives: him wanting to have dinner, him wanting to see you again, him saying IF you got back together things would have to be different. Of course I read your story and compare to mine and my H would never say IF we tried again.... he is dead set that it is over. So that is a huge positive to me.
The next step seems to me to be working on finding out HOW he thinks things should be different so you can show him what he is looking for. Do you have ideas? How can you display those 180s to him?
As far as OW, I don't know if it matters so much whether there is one or not. I would say from your story that he may be looking but he hasn't found one yet. On the other hand, there really is no way to know for sure what he is doing. My H seemed extremely sad and depressed after he left, and was contacting me all the time. If I didn't know about OW I would think he was pining away for me all alone and missing me. Well, maybe he was when she was not around. ha. But I wouldn't worry about that so much. I think you should be more focused on 180s.
Can you make a list of 180s you could possibly show him?
Overall I think you should be pleased! Lots of positives!!! Hugs, Lisa
