It's true, without DB what would I really be doing differently? Not much. But I guess maybe I would stop hoping he would wake up from the fog or wondering whether I should be friendly or tell him to F off...
But I guess I just need to keep focusing on myself and being polite to him to maintain my dignity. If I opened the floodgate of anger and hate at him I don't know if I could close it. He wouldn't really hear it and I wouldn't feel better anyway.
I know we had some troubles in our relationship but they were not major problems. Definitely things we could have worked out I think. Now I see that WAH was feeling doubts but the OW pushed him over the edge. I think she really preyed on his insecurities and also on my trust. She and I were friends and I told her details about my relationship and about H. I think she knew the buttons to push. This isn't the first time she has broken up a relationship, I think she gets satisfaction from it.
I'm not blaming her for everything I am just saying that his unwillingness to work on our minor issues was in a huge part due to his hope that he would have a better life with her. He told several people this exact thing in fact. He said there was really nothing wrong with us, but he just didn't feel the sparks with me as much as he did with her. Well, yes, when you meet a sexy new person who flirts with you it is much more exciting than the real person you have seen at their worst.
Ganb8te you are truly right that nothing is certain and in my strong positive moments I get strength from that. And I was also guilty of taking my relationship for granted, probably the biggest mistake I made.
Ahoy, I hear you about the timeline. I have several friends who have reconciled and typically it takes months and months, if not years. So I know I shouldn't be in a hurry. I guess I just feel less and less like I want to reconcile and that scares me a bit. It has been 3 months. In 6 more months I feel I will be completely detached from him.
I have been GALing like crazy and things are mostly going well in my life. I just feel this cloud over me. I'm not crying all the time or unable to eat but I can't seem to let go of anger and sadness. Perhaps I'm just in the stage of processing those feelings and so they are popping up. I see something that reminds me of WAH or OW and I have these hateful thoughts. I would like to block those thoughts so that I don't feel so much anger but I can't seem to, they just keep coming back. Hopefully I will get through this stage and then I just won't care.
Part of me really feels that going dark is my next step. I feel that he left me, he said he wanted to be rid of me, and so he can't keep having me at arm's length when he feels like speaking to me. He needs to really feel what life will be like if I never communicate with him again. At this time I don't even like him so why would I want to be friends? On the other hand, do I just want to punish him? Take away the one thing I can take which is myself?
I also know this path takes unexpected turns. Tomorrow something new could happen in my situation that changes everything. I guess I have to hold on for the ride.
