Need help

[Zues126]

I have no crystal ball and am not a vet, so take this with a grain of salt. There isn't a decision being made here most likely. I mean, I've read a lot of these threads and haven't seen the one where after two weeks WAW says she made a big mistake. I'm sure it's happened, but even then the guy rushes back in and goes too fast and it doesn't work too well. So I think in realit this is a step towards a more formal step on her part.

As for what YOU should do, I get why you'd say just rip the bandaid off. I mean, if that's the direction you are going why not just do it, right! But here's the thing. There are many reasons why she might want to do it this way. May e to spare your feelings, maybe because she is conflicted, most likely because it is easier to get into cold water little by little rather than jumping in and getting overwhelmed.

SO- if you knew your W was for sure out, but for needed to do it this way FOR HER- would you be compassionate enough to give her the time to go at her own pace? Also, when you look back on this do you want to be the guy that reacted out of pain and tore everything apart to get it over with, the whole while acting kind of crazy and giving her every reason to feel she made the right decision? Or do you want to be the guy with no blood on his hands, the one that transcended reactions and hurt, that showed growth and understanding and patience, that was strong enough to behave according to his values and beliefs instead of being defensive and emotional?

This isn't just about what gives you the best chance of getting her back. In fact, at some point that's not much of it at all. Sorry to tell you, you can't control the outcome because you can't control her, so trying to control her now won't work. And there is a very, very real chance this wont end the way you feel you need it to at this moment. But the one thin you can control is you, and i know you'd feel better looking back and knowing you handled this the best you possibly could have.

How do you get the strength to do this? You rise to it because you HAVE to. It's not easy, but if it means enough you can do it. I like to use the mantra 'act with the kind of character I expected her to have'. If you expect her to be able to endure hard times, stay loyal and committed when things aren't working for her, forgive you for he pain you've caused, etc...show her how someone can do that by doing that now for her- which is REALLY for yourself.