Newbie Error- LRT too Soon- help!

[Bart42]

Sandi, thanks so much for taking the time to give me a woman's perspective on this- your comments really help me understand what I am facing so much better than I ever could comprehend by myself. I don't obstruct her actions, GAL or otherwise- to the contrary I largely give the impression that I don't care where she goes or what she does- the ironic thing is she keeps feeding me BS lines about what she is doing (and how it isn't OM), even though I don't react to them.

Now bear with me while I explain. You don't verbalize any of what you plan to do or not do. You give no promises or reassurances. You let your attitude and actions be your voice. She should be concerned over your decision. This is what I try to across to LBH'S.

I know you don't want a divorce! I am not telling you to get one, okay? I am saying to not discuss what you want with her.

Can you help me understand how to not verbalize and just "do" when WAW wants to cake eat and I need to be the one pushing for appointments with the mediator, etc? Even though I definitely don't want the D (but I am resigned to an S being necessary at this point) if I don't discuss what I want or push then she will delay and cake eat for as long as I let her. Or do you mean I should just end any sort of talks about what I want out of the process and limit talks to keeping the mediation process moving?

Basically, I'm trying to understand how saying "I don't want a D but I see no other options" was a good thing to say but now I shouldn't talk about what I want at all? I thought I needed to act like I want the S/D because she is not willing to come to the table and drop the OM and I am not willing to continue the open marriage. (Which isn't BS by the way- if its a D so be it- I'm not continuing to live this way).

I feel like I am at a critical point and I don't want to mess up whatever (slim) chance I may have here.