too late?

[sandi2]

The WAW is confounded with emotions. She is a big ball of messy feelings and she doesn't understand them, either. She will continue to mostly operate from that place of emotions....good or bad, until she works through this stuff. Some days you may see her act almost "normal" then other times you will swear you have never met this person.

Somebody in this family needs to be stable and lead with a strong sense of values. She doesn't have that "sense" at the moment. She is lost. She may lose herself morally or spiritually. She may no longer have the inner strength to withstand temptation in areas that have never been a problem before now.

As the man, father and H, your family needs more than ever. (Which will prove to be a challenge where she is concerned.). You will need to draw every ounce of courage from whatever belief system you have. You will need daily refreshing from this system and all it's resources. This is a battle zone you've entered. Your W is not the enemy......even though she may seem "possessed" at times. It is as if this invisible thing consumes her. I don't know what to call it. It started back at some point with disappointment, sadness, unfullfilled expectations, resentment, depression, unrelenting stress, .......on and on. Her emotional needs have been neglected and eventually her feelings for her H begin to change. The spark has left. (Sometimes, not every time, something may happen to cause the W to feel she has missed out and wants to leave the M.) The WAW will blame the H for all of these negative issues she has, and therefore, she will become very angry. Mostly angry at him, but also just angry that she got cheated in life. Then she has a strong desire to be free of it all. She believes she has to be free of him.

It is as if she is in a very thick fog. She has lost all her ability to be reasonable or logical. Whatever emotion she feels that day....she will run with it. She is only interested in what will make her feel better at that moment. And, that is the dangerous part b/c of bad choices she makes during those times.

Since you already have a problem feeling inadequate, you will especially need to work hard to not believe some of the things she may throw at you, especially things in the past. You will be to blame in her eyes, so just be braced for it and don't fall apart when she starts getting mean with it.

You will not be able to sit down with her and have a good long talk that will work everything out. Oh, it may give temporary relief for a few hours, but the monster will return. You will not be able to rescue her from this monster. You will not be able to intentionally shake her out of her fog. Sometimes a WAW can be shaken, in time and with everything working together to bring it on, but the H rarely knows he had any part of doing it. B/c her thought process is so foreign to him, the H has no clue as to what she really feels or how she sees things. I have my first time to read where a newcomer LBH had his WAW figured out. He may do all the wrong things in an attemp to snap her out of it, but it backfires b/c he doesn't "get it".

Some advice you read on the board may sound confusing, and some may even conflict. Remember, there are other newcomers like yourself. It is a confusing time, and the way one person interprets advice may not be completely correctly passed through the treads. So whenever you don't understand, just speak up and we will try to help.

Some of us who M's were saved, have hung around to pass forward the help we received in our time of need. A few who have not saved their M's learned tons of valuable insight and good enough to stick around and help others.