Well another day and the anger is getting wouse.she seems convinced I'm a manipulative liar and that I'm trying to push her out the house when I'm actually desperate for her to stay.
Jim! Do what 25yearsMLC said, because it's GOLD:
Quote:
She wants you to fuel her anger so she can feel justified for wanting out but now you are meeting her anger with kindness. How frustrating for her!
My H got increasingly hostile... he was always blowing up at me and it was tough to handle. I tried to respond with that "soft answer that turneth away wrath" business, although several times I lost it, too, because it was SO UNFAIR.
Fake stuff he accused me of: lying to him, our friends and family, and his co-workers with the intent of destroying all his relationships and his career. (His OW was his co-worker.) He told me how stupid I was, too, for trying to get back at him through his job, because if he lost the job he wouldn't be able to support me.
He told me I was manipulative, always trying to "control" him, enjoying my status as a "victim", loving the fact that our friends saw him as "evil" for leaving me but if they only knew the truth, they'd understand that he'd been living for years in misery. One of his favorite lines was, "Go ahead, Nitty, hide behind your so-called 'truth.'"
He'd go on these hostility benders, then calm down and be nice, and I'd think, whew! We're on the path to improvement! Then something else would set him off again. The day he initiated D proceedings he told me that I had "pushed" him to do it. That he could no longer handle all the awful stuff I did to him.
I am still in the early stages of reconciliation and I hope to talk to him in MC about these benders to see what he was thinking. But I'm 99% certain he was just trying to prove to himself that his decision to D me was justified. I think he's probably not done yet, may go off on another bender the moment he begins to doubt his plan to reconcile. I'll just have to ride it out.
So I guess I'm saying that you have nothing to lose by continuing to respond with kindness and love. She may reconsider her decision to leave and come back to you.
And if she still walks out of your life completely, you'll know you tried your best.
M:54, H:55 T:33, M:27 12/13 BD: EA 01/14 BD: PA, H leaves 03/14 H & OW break up 05/14 H says he will file for D 08/14 H initiates D 09/14 H wants to R 12/14 Still bungling our way through R
