This is not what I want. We had a date night last night that went great but he cannot have a conversation when it's something HE doesn't want to discuss and I really don't know how to DB that. I can't just never bring up issues he doesn't like.
You have forgotten what worked for you to bring him back and you stopped doing it.
Here is your answer...
Pay to get the pipes fixed without his consent. Don't be mad about it, just get it done. Just tell him AFTER you have set up the contractor to do the work. Tell him... "I DECIDED (use the word decided) to get the pipes fixed and a contractor is coming over on _____(fill in the date)"
You will then find that he suddenly WANTS to talk about it or argue about it.. Either way he will suddenly want to discuss it in some manner...
That is when YOU do what he always does to you on the issues he doesn't want to talk about...
You tell HIM.. "I already have them coming to fix the pipes and I really don't want to talk about it anymore. I realized that you are right about the nagging and so I decided to stop the nagging and wasn't willing to wait anymore." (firm, confident, resolved.) Then tell him you don't want to talk about it anymore... (same thing he does to you)
Here is how it should play out...
YOU make the decision without his input..... He then will want to talk about it....... or if he still doesn't want to talk about it, the issue is solved because the pipes will be fixed..... You then be the one who doesn't want to talk about it IF and when he does bring it up. (you can't be a nag if HE is the one to bring it up)......
When he does, then you tell him you already made the decision because he told you he doesn't want you to nag him about it and you decided that you aren't going to live without hot water. Then cut the conversation short by saying that YOU don't want to talk about it.. Don't be angry or mean.. As I have told you numerous times... Confident, firm and resolved... Remember.. YOU be the one who doesn't want to talk about it. It will only be effective when YOU take the bull by the horns and find someone else to do what he promised...
Easy, peasy, Japaneasy... You win either way.. The pipes get fixed... You haven't nagged.. The issue of the pipes goes away..
You are AGAIN trying to rely on a man who doesn't seem to be very reliable over the long term... Stop fighting it and go with it.. Make it happen on your own. Confident, firm and resolved. No anger... Less said the better..
