still holding on - 4

[u-turn]

Thanks Peter - I am often outsmarted by this validation thing too. She is too good with reading people and knowing that I am just validating. I don't think she really wants just validation. Her verbal quickness and people reading skills far outshine mine. I often have to take time to respond or add to a response which usually seem out of place when I formulate a great thought.

So it's back to realizing that this is a marathon and I need to be patient. I don't think anything went to wrong, it just still doesn't seem to be going in a direction. We finally sat and talked for a short time and I let her lead with a starting nudge from me.

This is what I got from the conv.
She knows that I have only been offering conversation about the kids and logistical items. She wants more. She wants regular everyday conversation about anything and lots of it (as long as it isn't about us).

I guess that has been the advice here too.

She wants less silence from me - that's actually a 180 for me - I have always been less talkative than I probably should have been - always. She sees this detachment as being worse - duly noted (I'll try something else). I have never liked talking about myself and especially lately, I listen to her talk about herself and work as much as she wants, but never say anything too specific about my day or what's going on with me -

I think we are running two different races, but I will run in her race for a while. Hopefully we have the same finish line in mind - I don't know.

This makes total sense to me and is acceptable to me, and I can keep that up for a very long time. (but the question is always in my mind, what is she REALLY thinking - stalling, cake eating, or really wanting to go slow - I don't know these things without asking - but can't.)(don't know status of OM and haven't asked)

Earlier in the week in an e-mail conv, when she asked me to open up and communicate, I asked her not to be afraid of being open and honest with me too, it is what I want and I am not afraid of it.

She never responded to that.

But back to me. I'm hoping to fix my communication issues that I have always had. As I still look into myself to figure out what really went wrong with all of this, my communication and my lack of confidence may be my two weak links.