KGirl - 7 months later...

[KGirl]

Yes, that is true. I need to work on not feeling obligated to have an explanation or answer all of the time. Blah. I also think part of me wants people to know that I didn't want this and it's not my fault because I don't want them to judge me (also something to work on, huh?)

Speaking of things to work on.. I want to set a boundary with H about our finances, and could use some feedback because the line between controlling and boundary is tricky. I had mentioned earlier that part of our agreement when I moved out was H would transfer all of the bills that auto-pay from our joint account (water, electricity, cable, etc.) to his own accounts because he was the only one using those utilities. Last month I noted that the electric bill still wasn't changed. He transferred in money from his own account and said he was changing it so it wouldn't happen again. But, I noticed that on Friday it deducted again. And now our account is below $1000 which is worrisome because I don't remember all the rules about direct deposits/minimum blaances and if it will be charged a late fee. I drafted this email to him below - is it the "right" way to set a boundary?

"The MG&E bill deducted again last week from the joint account. I understand that there could be some issue with MG&E online even after you submitted the change, but regardless, it's very stressful for me to have to worry about this (and worry about the account possibly being charged a fee for being below $1000). I need to set a boundary around this so that I can feel comfortable. If you don't change the account by the next bill and it is deducted again, I am going to take steps to remove myself from this account (taking my half of the remaining money from it, cancelling my direct deposit, and removing my name from it so it is just in your name). I would be fine leaving it as-is but I need all the bills changed in order to do that."

I had always had a portion of my paycheck transferred into the joint account but now have just transferred it right back out,rather than cancelling it with HR (as that is a lot of paperwork that I didn't want to do until I knew for sure what was happening). I'm worried this sounds antagonistic and blaming him, especially if it's not his fault. The electric company is kind of a pain w/ their online stuff and we've submitted changes before that haven't gone through or taken awhile to go through - am I giving him not enough benefit of the doubt? Should I ask him about it first? I did that last month and he said it was taken care of, so I'm hesistant to be casual about it again.