I am so appreciative that you shared that with me. It means a lot and has given me much to think about.
You friend's s sounds like a great kid. My kids are not so receptive. They are crushed and loaded with anger about it. They have said they do not want a r at all. When we found out about hww, she was 4 months and they had just moved into a house they bout together. We were totally blind-sided. I honestly thought xh was coming back, and my kids told me after they found out that they though he was coming back too.
It was A LOT to take in at once. Since then, the r with my kids and their day is not good. They realize now that for months, when he was blowing them off and not making time, it was because he was with her. Then to find out that he is living with her and her toddler with their baby on the way (and we were still married- d wasn't filed until after she was pregnant),, is just too much.
They bought a 3bedroom house. One for them, one for her kid, one for the baby which isn't even here yet. Did either of them consider my kids. I can't believe he put her and her kid before his own. And I can't believe, as a mother, she would do that and buy a house with a married man when she hasn't even met his kids.
OK, my intention was not to vent about it here, but I guess sometimes I just get going.... sorry.
So, I did think about my kids and the r with this baby. I really have no say in it. I would not pressure or guide my kids either way. It is really a personal thing. If the kids decide to have a r with her, then I hope I can be as wonderful as your friend.
My d13, who never talks about it- ever, made a comment about it last night. We were in the car and she said out of nowhere, "Ugh, two more months." I said, "What?" D13, "Till December!" I didn't get it for a second, then she gave me a look and I realize, that's when this baby is due. (Mind you, d13 has never met hww, nor does she want to)
I told her I wasn't being sarcastic, but asked if it bothered her? She said, "YES!" I asked why, and she said that it's because it's not from me. (I know these seem silly to ask, but she never talks about it and just says they are irrelevant. I have to use the opportunity...) Then she said some not so nice things. I am not going to get into it, because d13 is soooooo sweet and LOVES kids, and it is not her personality. She is just really angry about it. I can't blame her. I feel so bad for my kids.
So, anyway, Betsey, I am very thankful that you took the time to post that to me. I will read it several times, I'm sure. It has given me another perspective.
