[Maybell]

There are things about your sitch that reminded me of mine, so I'm interested to see what feedback you get. But for what it's worth, here are some thoughts:

I don't think there's much to do about his concept of what a relationship is for the time being. Ss06 has mentioned a couple of books that might help you see how you could adjust his concept more positively till you're in a place where discussion is possible, but in the meantime this is his truth and he's the only one who can change it. I know how frustrating that is; my H has said the same thing in practically the same words.

I haven't followed your thread in detail but if your sense is that there's no OW then there may not be. I don't want to be definitive about that because you're separated. The best thing is to behave according to the best case scenario until you have reason to change. My DB coach said that our expectations often determines outcomes, so give yourself your best chance and expect positive things.

If the conversation stalls, let it stall. If you give him space to fill the gaps, you might get information you wouldn't have gotten otherwise. Would it be a 180 for you to do that? It is for me, and it is HARD to do... But things started changing when I left that space.

It sounds like you had a mostly positive interaction. It would be good to not think of the places where things could improve as bad or ugly; if things were great you wouldn't be on the forum here. The items you put as bad and ugly were informational for how to bring everything up to good and great.

Looking forward to seeing what other feedback you get!