What if she felt it was justified but then you became the man you were meant to become and she took you back b/c of the changes you made?
We are suppose to be back together and working on making this marriage work. The problem here is that she doesn't want to get rid of OM while telling me she wants to work on the marriage. I was ready to move on and a week before we were set to meet the judge she told me she wanted to make things work between us.
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To this day you two have not been intimate for 2 years AND she still sees the OM? I'm confused.
Yep. OM is a co-worker on top of that (she just moved into the same department as him). She tells me that she says nothing wrong with being friends and since he was there when I wasn't, she thinks it would be wrong to end the "friendship" with him.
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so you WOULD like to have joint accounts but SHE REFUSES to? Why not just point that out?
I wanted to go full force with making this work. I hate having separate bank accounts, not like that she has her own safe with her only having the key, her being secretive, etc. I really wanted these barriers to come down and have us start working as one.
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Does this^^ happen often? Where do you think she goes?
Since she told me that she wanted to make this work back in March, this rarely happens. But it doesn't take much to make her upset either. Keep in mind that for the last year or so, I have been cleaning the house, taking our daughter out to events, paying for pretty much everything, even doing her homework/quizzes for her (I was up at 2 am twice this week having to read several chapters and take her quizzes online since she wasn't feeling well). I honestly can say that I've really worked on those areas that she use to complain about. Unfortunately, my work at times can get hectic and that is one of her big complaints is me working these 12 hour days. So this week I had to work a lot and while I made sure there was food for the week, unfortunately it was used up by Friday (which I gave her $$$ to go out to eat since I told her that I wasn't going to be able to replenish our food stock until the weekend).
The last time she acted like this was about two months ago.
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You guys need new TOOLS for better communications and commitment. Have you looked into going to Retrovaille?
We actually went to Retrovaille back in April and left the next day in the morning. She told me that she wasn't getting anything out of it and that it was a waste of time. Ironically, we ended up spending the whole day site seeing (retrovaille was in a different town so we had to drive up) and had a blast. But I agree - I wish we would work together on getting some communication skills. She refuses to go to counseling, thinks relationship books are a joke and tells me all the time that she doesn't have a problem communicating.
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Otherwise you're going to be back here in awhile...what has really changed?
I've worked hard on my 180s and addressing the issues that my wife had with me. The thing is that it doesn't take much for any little thing to trigger something in my wife. Overall, we've been getting along, going on dates and outwardly appearing to be working on the marriage. There really hasn't been any fighting until today (which was really me just taking it with not really saying much). I am getting tired and exhausted though - I work 10 hour days most days (with a few days longer than that throughout the month), do most of the cooking, cleaning, make time to participate in my daughter's life (girl scouts, helping with homework, dropping daughter off at school, etc). I've been supportive of wife going back to school and have spent more time helping her with her homework than I ever did when I was an MBA student. It is frustrating because I am trying to make this work and while for the most part things have been good - OM is still there, no intimacy, and no real communications when it comes to the rough issues of life.
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Would that really be better than trying to save the marriage? How so? What would be better in your life if you were divorced now? And for your kids?
I don't know the answer to this. I am trying to save this marriage for what seems like an eternity now and want nothing more for us to really be close/connected to each other. But I am getting tired, fatigue, and overall my quality of life isn't improving. I can't go on like this forever - at some point I have to face the truth that this marriage might never be saved. A lot of damage has been done, especially by me throughout this marriage and my wife seems to remember more the bad times than she does the good. You can probably ignore this last paragraph - today was just a rough day as I got a verbal beating from her today that I felt was completely uncalled for.
