New here, my fairytale gone wrong

[fthnluv]

Thank you all, again, for your words. I think the issue I am having right now is that when I think of taking care of myself I don't really know how to do it. My H and I have been together since we were 17 and in high school. I honestly don't even know who I am without him.

Also, I am so worried about the financial side of all of this. H "says" that he does not want me to go back to work and my kids want me to stay home and he will likely be ordered a decent amount of child and spousal support but with his line of work (akin to what a public adjuster would do, only self employed in it) there is no guarantee of ANY income at some points during the year. I find myself researching and fearing having to live on nothing or next to it and that just seems impossible. The small "nest egg" of money that I have set aside that I recently have started dreaming about using to one day buy another home feels so insecure now. H says he wants none of it, but even if he keeps that promise I may need to use it to just pay the bills. In the meantime, he will have times of "feast" vs famine and I'm sure he won't be giving me any overage for the lean months.

The uncertainty and fear is almost paralyzing, especially on top of all the emotional stuff to deal with, with the unwanted D and the OW.