It's frustrating to not have known these books exist or known they were so full of wisdom but I personally believe I was in absolutely no state to read these books without overwhelming resentment over having to do all the work. I was SO hung up on that and sometimes even now find myself frustrated by that fact.
It's one thing to realize our past faults but quite another to be ruled and defined by them. I choose to see them for what they were and add more value to my efforts to change, be more aware, empathize and stop shaming. Looking forward is all we can do.
The past is the past. That doesn't mean we can't be genuinely sorry for it and recognize our contribution to the pain in our spouse and ourselves but we can't change what was. We can only change how we handle ourselves in the future.
We can do that, ganb8te. We really can.
I totally empathize with your frustrations. I would literally give my right leg to have read and believed all of these books 4 years ago, or even 1 year ago. I don't think I'd be in this spot if I had. BUT I also don't think I would have really gained anything from them if someone had forced me to read them. I thought I was the perfect husband. It took this hard dose of reality to show me that that was definitely not the case.
Quick question - Do you all think HTIYMWTAI is intended exclusively for women? I've never read it, but the summaries and reviews seem to be how to get through to men. Even if it is, I'm sure I could learn from it. Thoughts?
It is likely written mostly for women because we're usually the ones who are the relationship temperature takers. I've read that in a few books actually.
I don't think that means you shouldn't read it. I'd love to know if it rings true for men. Not that you should read it just for me, it could be very insightful for you. I'm not at that part yet but there are chapters directly written for men (one is entitled: The Worst Thing A Man Does To A Woman). For the cost of a paperback book, I'd read ALL of them if they helped at all. That's just me though.
