Newbie Error- LRT too Soon- help!

[sandi2]

So in the session with the divorce Mediator he says "we can be ready to file in 3-5 weeks" and W became a deer in the headlights. She is not ready to put the date on the calendar for the next session and "needs a few weeks to find and meet with her own attorney.” Now its my job to keep the schedule moving without seeming like a jerk- told her the date can be a few weeks out but we need to get it scheduled. We'll see how that goes.

Yep, those reality bites a WAW experiences are a b'tch.

But then W says “I guess Im jealous- you are handling this so much better than I am and are out doing things- I need to do more of that too.”

So my GAL is getting noticed, but instead of pulling her closer, its making her want to GAL herself.

That may be your interpretation but I think you are mistaken.

She said again she’s not ready for S/D and I could see the hurt in her eyes.

Believe it or not, that is actually a positive step. All of these are necessary steps in the right direction.

But its also clear she’s not ready to be truthful or give up OM

Stick to your guns and as she tastes more of what she "thought" she wanted, the more chance she will be willing to do what is necessary to save the M. But it doesn't come all at once (usually) and she is not quite there yet.

So that made be backslide a bit and say “When I’m divorced I want to be able to say that I tried everything in my power to save my M, but I’ve tried everything I can think of and I’m out of ideas, so this is the only option.” Then I walked out

Perfect!

This inferred I’d be willing to slow down/talk if she had any ideas (which was bad) but I wanted to show some compassion and tough love because being an a*hole was definitely one of my previous shortcomings.

Well unless you said it to sound like.....or unless you had the look on your face like an a'hole, why do you think that action appeared as one? It sounds like a good topping to her deer in headlights scene.

There is a time for compassion and a time for toughness. I think you played it right. You have to be careful about how much compassion to show a wayward wife b/c she will not only take full advantage, but see it as softness in some cases. A wayward needs to see strength and firmness at times like this. She is too messed up to distinguish between tenderness/compassion/grace from weakness and believing she's bought more time.