too late?

[25yearsmlc]

If I'm updating too much let me know. I find that putting my thoughts here is helping me to make sense of them.

W went away for the weekend to MILs with kids. I went and saw friends which was good but I couldn't stop thinking about my W

Then get a better activity that occupies your mind so you DO STOP thinking about her even if only for a few hours. I did a lot of community theater and boy, THAT forces you to get your mind OFF of your spouse for a bit.

AND I met some really FUN people in the cast, and learning lines and blocking (on stage) is so mind absorbing, for ME it was one of the best GAL activities I could do. I'll post a list of GAL things I did to help so you can see if any of them strikes you as appealing.

and how sad I was because of what is happening and just still shocked at how much she has changed.

Hard to know how much is change, or something you did not know about her earlier, and or what is a phase of behavior she's "trying out", but which she may reject later.

Anyway I got home a decided that to be the new me (which is a lot like the me she originally fell in love with) I would start doing things like the laundry, tidying old junk and some proper cooking. All good and I felt quite happy and relaxed.


GOOD....

W gets home and immediately blanks me.

I'm not familiar with this^^ term, "Blanks". Can you explain?

She then has a go because I started to help her unload her car and had changed all the sheets on the beds. I still can't deal with the level of hostility and its really difficult to try and do more positive things when she can't even look at me.
consider it a challenge you CAN meet. You are planting seeds and in a way that really probably bothers her. She wants you to fuel her anger so she can feel justified for wanting out but now you are meeting her anger with kindness. How frustrating for her!

Keep it up.

I don't know why I'm deluding myself that its not too late other than my desperate hope that its not.

B/c you have people like me, sandi and others who are telling you that WE thought our marriages were over too, and they were not.

In 2006, I told my sisters "I'd give my M a 10% chance of success"... and I meant it.


Still I did really like the fact that the first steps to new me are actually about finding the old me - the one from before 3 years of stress, rejection and tiredness.

Be the best Jim you can be. Get help for your insecurities b/c they are NOT helping you in any way, nor are the negative ways you see things. They do not serve your interests so you must change the way you see things.

Start by watching 2 TED TALKS. One is by Amy Cuddy, called "Faking it til you Become it" and it's about 20 minutes from the 2012 conference.

The other TED TALK was by Shawn Achor called "Power of Positive Psychology" and it's also about 20 minutes. Both speakers have empirical data that proves their theory about how what we THINK can change how we ACT and how we ACT can change how we FEEL INSIDE.

"outside in" or "inside out" behaviors and emotions. Instead of what some folks do, which is to "wait for the feelings to come first" and THEN DO something new...this shows the opposite, b/c love is at least partly a CHOICE. We can choose to DO things that help us FEEL things...just watch those videos on youtube and you'll see what I mean.

Behaving lovingly can create more loving emotions. There is more to it but see what you think.