FINALLY SURFACING

[Fartiltre]

The past days have been pleasant. As days go by W is less and less on my mind and the thoughts about her has changed a lot. I don’t miss her anymore – that’s it! I still find it so sad on behalf of the children but not for myself anymore. I am good and that goes with or without NW. I am starting to realize - for real – for how long both W and I felt miserable in our R. We are talking years and that might enhance the peace I feel these days.

NW and I spent Thursday night together and yesterday we talked 3½ hours on the phone. It is jolly nice to share thoughts and life with somebody again. She asked if I am her boyfriend yesterday...she seems ready for it all, talking about future and so. I am all right with the talk and it is difficult not to get dragged along but I need to slow it down. Through these talks we get to know each other and that’s nice but it seems fast even though we don’t spend that much time together. I have also already stated a few boundaries and every time she seems positively astonished and starts talking about it as something all men should do even if she disagrees. (I now see the “respect” issue so clearly Sandi2).

I started reading “His needs – her needs” a few days ago and once again my eyes just opens – amazing book! The author could have substituted most of the examples with the story of me and W. Only exception is that there is no OM. I can also see how NW and I meet each other’s needs at the moment. It is almost like my needs are intimate conversation and hers is ML. The opposite of what is described in the book – but I guess that is exactly what happens when the R is new. I also believe that MrBond was spot on when he said that this is what happens – the difficult part is keeping this going at an acceptable level for both.
I have learned so many lessons already and I feel ready for many more. I want my eyes wide open and I want a greater understanding of what makes an R last.

The ML part that was causing me major problems seems to work better

Communication with W seems less than normal. I guess things are starting to find into routines are the day to day Qs are answered and sorted out. Since we only talk children and practical’s there is no need to talk on a daily basis unless something happens and right now nothing happens.

My legs are killing me and they have been this way for weeks now. I have an appointment with doctors Monday to have them examined. Hopefully they can do something about it since it is affecting my ability to exercise tremendously

Paul,
Good to hear from you
I does sound familiar. The pain or more likely the experience and the knowledge gathered from it will always be there. I certainly hope so! I feel stronger than ever and even more important I feel at balance. I still find myself reacting as old me but throughout this year it has become more and more seldom. I feel at peace and I feel ready for life whatever it may bring.
I still don’t know that much about NW and I will take it as slow as possible. I am tempted to just rush into it but I need myself and the kids to be a part of this process so it will have to be slow. Funny how everybody (friends, shrink, here etc.) tells me to take it slow but nobody haven’t got a clue about what timeframe slow is.
It sounds like you are doing well and that pleases me. Both of us have been through the grinder and are now back on out feet – that’s how I hope everybody (R or no R) will end up.

Sandi,
I believe this post disappeared in the forum update so I copied it from the email I received.

I hope you are prepared, in case your W is not happy about NW. Ordinarily, I would predict a negative reaction from her, but she has already proven not to fit the typical mode, so IDK what to expect. But I think what really would throw you for a loop would be for W to start pursuing you when she hears about NW.

I think you would love to have a nice simple life, but if it involves women......I doubt it will happen.

Love the last sentence Sandi! …and I believe you are absolutely on the spot here. Single life is simple life, women are not! …but I want to share with somebody so I will face the dragon(s) head on

I don’t know what to expect from W.
I guess you are right about the “if W starts pursuing me” part but I won’t let thoughts like that interfere at the moment. I won’t prepare for or “fear” something that might never happen. I want to be happy where I am. If she gets angry about NW when she finds out then so be it. I believe I can handle it – in fact I believe I can handle most these days. W is down from the pedestal, she is just a woman whom happens to be the mother of my Ds. Some times when we talk it almost feels as if the roles are now opposite. Just a feeling I have!