It's frustrating to not have known these books exist or known they were so full of wisdom but I personally believe I was in absolutely no state to read these books without overwhelming resentment over having to do all the work. I was SO hung up on that and sometimes even now find myself frustrated by that fact.
It's one thing to realize our past faults but quite another to be ruled and defined by them. I choose to see them for what they were and add more value to my efforts to change, be more aware, empathize and stop shaming. Looking forward is all we can do.
The past is the past. That doesn't mean we can't be genuinely sorry for it and recognize our contribution to the pain in our spouse and ourselves but we can't change what was. We can only change how we handle ourselves in the future.
