Get up and out, you'll feel better. Go out with a friend, or go to something you like to do that you can;t do with the kids. Sitting home being depressed will not help you.
As for looking for "signs" etc - stop. The best thing you can do right now is focus on YOU - your health, your mental well-being, plans for a future that MIGHT not include H. You don;t have control over what he does or doesn't do, and you might discover, over time, that from a more distant perspective, he wasn't really that great of a husband or father. OR he might be inspired by your heroic example and snap out of his BS. But these are things you don't control. What you DO control is YOUR life and what you make of it.
For me, personally, as much as I fought for my marriage - this process caused me to let go of a lot of fears (after all, if my H of 24 years could dump me, what could happen afterwards that was scarier than that? Everything else seemed like small potatoes in comparison). What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? What dreams of YOURS have been on hold because of supporting your H emotionally, because of taking full responsibility for the home, because of leaning/relying on him? If he had DIED last week, what kind of plans would you be making for yourself to go forward and live fully???
Take some risks. Cut or color your hair, try a new activity, set some goals, but change aside for a dream trip, imagine a new life for yourself. If it's a fabulous life, you pursuing it won't push H away - it will intrigue him. If you sit home in your sweats eating ice cream and crying? Nope, not attractive.
Just get out there and LIVE and enjoy your life; I know it seems ridiculous to say that right now, but seriously - if he DOES come back, you'll regret wasting all this time worrying for nothing. And if he DOESN'T come back, you'll regret not starting your new life sooner.
