We had coffee last night which lasted 2 hours. It sounds like Fantasy Land is already starting to turn into reality land. She has bills now, maxed out credit cards, child responsibilities, and apparently the OM has been pulling back.
That's the reason I am usually in favor of the WAW getting hit with reality as soon as possible. Not only does her fantasy castle begin to crumble, but usually the OM starts pulling back. Even if they have plans of living together, they need to deal with real life together and each of them get to see one another under those circumstances. Funny how it just seems to drain off all that excitement and thrill the A had for them when the LBH was picking up the tab and trying to fix her problems.
Clearly, this would not include any rescuing behavior on behalf of the H. Neither should it be seen as as a punitive action. And it won't be, if the H has the right attitude in place. Tough love is exactly that.......tough. It is not fun and it hurts. Doesn't mean your heart is tough. Replace the word "tough" with "strength". You have to have enough strength to stand your ground as she goes through those experiences. It takes real love to do it. Anyone can be a pushover, but not everyone can apply tough love.
When our children become of age, and we have done our best to guide, influence, and teach them the best choices in life from the harmful........there may come a time/point/issue in their life when they don't want to listen to the parent. What does the parent do if it is a behavior, lifestyle, or choices in people that could have devastating results for them? Parents go to end of the world trying to help, support, advise and rescue their child. But when he/she is grown and rebels against what you have tried to instill, and he/she continues a destructive pattern......then what? Life is a cruel teacher, but sometimes it gets the lessons across quicker or better when everything the parent was supplying has been removed. Not in every single case, of course, but many.....and I am not implying we turn our backs on anyone in life or death situations (just to be clear).
So, same principal applies when you have a wayward W. She is rebelling! If she won't listen and chooses to continue in the wrong direction.......sometimes it means removing everything the H was supplying before she begins to wake up and think & see through clearly, instead of a fogged out brain and wearing rose-colored glasses.
Just my thoughts.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
