This all started because I posted that I was going to fight for what I believe is right and "fair" in my D settlement. I still am going to do that. I have to for my own sake. I won't be "unfair" or punitive but I also won't allow her to take me to the cleaners either.
And I think that there, is where the disconnect happened...
Matt, I don't feel that anyone is against you fighting for what you feel is right...
I think that, at least for me, it is the HOW you are presenting yourself when you fight, that struck that bell.
I know you are hurting, and I know that you think that the world is against you now. And then you come to what is supposed to be the safe place for you, and you feel attacked.....
I can assure you that that isn't true at all...
What I don't want to happen, is for you to get stuck in the past, and stuck on how this incident, ruined your life.
I am not what happened to me...
I am what I chose to become
Carl Jung
Now...
Apparently, you feel that I insult you....
And I feel that you are very condescending...
I can tell you, that I have been where you are. Some of the posters that helped me, I HATED at first. I thought that there was absolutely NO WAY, that they could know what I was thinking and feeling ,and going through....
Guess what Matt.....they did.
They were a lot harder on me, than I ever have been to anyone else.
The FIRST response I got from another poster, was this...
You want the easy way ?
F easy, if it were easy, then any a**hole could do it
You want fair ?
F fair, who said life was fair..and who decides that ?
You want I'm sorry ??
Yea, well F sorry, we are all sorry that we are here
And I think that is what pissed me off the most, is that they could see right through me, and saw , not the details of WHAT, just more of a HOW.
HOW I presented myself, has become a LOT more important for me, than WHAT I did....
I can tell you that I wanted to walk away, actually RUN from facing this crap. And it took some time to realize that what I wanted to run from.....was myself...
I can tell that you are a pretty upstanding guy, and you want to do things the right way....
You are loyal, you have morals that you stand by, and you try to take the right path....
What I can't seem to get across to you, is that I am NOT attacking WHAT you stand for, I am trying to get you to see, HOW you are coming across to other people...
Do you mean to sound judgmental, controlling, condescending ???
I don't believe that you do...
I am just telling you how others see you...
Look. I understand how hard this is, when you feel your world being turned upside down....
Yet acting with anger and fear is only going to make things worse for YOU in the long run....
And it is also going to have a much harder time when you look back on this moment in your life...
It is also going to make you feel justified, in acting in a way, that I am certain, that you do not want to act.
Please, step back, regroup, and try to really see what I am trying to say to you....
I chose daily, and sometimes minute by minute, to act with Dignity, Honor, and Grace. Through all of my interactions going through this. There were times when I would get angry, and scared, yet I chose to not let those things interrupt how I wanted to present myself during the small battles.
It also didn't interfere with WHAT I chose to fight for during my legal battle...
It determined HOW I chose to fight for it.....
I knew that anything that I did, or said, and no matter how much mud I COULD sling, would ALL be public record IF one day, my children chose to look it up...
What did I want them to see ???
Within that, was where MY answers were...
Now....
What I would suggest for you to do here...
Is to make 3 lists of things...
Things that you want, with no exceptions...
Things that you would LIKE to have, yet are willing to negotiate on...
And lastly...
Things that you place no value on, and are willing to let go of..
Then you can find HOW to navigate those things....
