Depressed WAW, digging in, learning about myself

[LoveMyW]

I'm with you there Card on how hard the kids make it to detach.. My mind frame is similar to yours.. Every time I talk to my kids, it hurts to think we may not be back as one again..

[Card29]

I feel for you. It sounds like your kids are older. At least I dont have to deal with D2's pain. She quickly adjusted to the two households and has continued being the happiest little tot I've ever seen. Thank God for that girl and her joy. Also, thank God for Mac and cheese (as much as I try to get her to thank God for love, his grace, etc...that's her nightly prayer lol)

[LoveMyW]

Good to hear!!.. Yeah my 2 are 6+8 so a bit older.. They know something is going on, but we haven't fully broached "separation" with them yet.. At the moment thy know dad is elsewhere until I move.. I talk to them both nearly daily (facetime is great!!), and I am lucky that my W hasn't acted as silly as some on here.. There is no limit to comms which I appreciate..

[Card29]

I've been on a high since salsa dancing Monday night. I found a Thursday night class, too, so I'll start attending that when I can. I get D2 tomorrow, though, so I probably won't be attending.

[Card29]

I have a 180 failure to confess, just for my own acknowledgement. I have been great at being positive, happy and fun around WAW. But I have not done so at work. I have been rather grumpy, actually, for a couple of months. I need to acknowledge this and turn it around. Just because she's not looking doesn't mean I should be that way. I need to eliminate it from my personality as much as possible.

[Card29]

I crossed a line with her last night. She called me to tell me that she may have a tumor and is having an MRI in a few days. Doctors seem to think that if it is a tumor, it is benign. I was swept with concern for her. After a brief convo about that, I slipped and asked how it was going with her counselor. I caugt myself and followed it with, "of course you don't have to tell me." She replied, "You're right, I don't." That was the end of the phone call. I felt like an idiot. A while later I send a brief text apology and she said it was fine, not a big deal.

I know I messed up with both the phone call and the text, but I'm trying to move on. Have D2 today and it should be a great saturday

[Maybell]

I think the text was appropriate. Don't beat yourself up for that.

Don't beat yourself up for asking about C, either. You were anxious about the tumor on top of the upset in the marriage. We can't be perfect all the time. You recovered promptly. Let it be and enjoy your day with your little one.

[Card29]

Thanks Maybell. I have moved on. In hindsight, it wasn't a big deal. It would be if I was consistently asking things like that, but I'm not. And it's been a terrific day. First pumpkin patch visit of the year! I'm entering a pumpkin decorating contest at work and now have my first practice pumpkin

[Ss06]

I agree, not a terrible setback. We're human. It's hard to remember that sometimes.

I wish we could see your pumpkin! What theme are you going with?!

[Card29]

I don't know! Contest isn't until Oct. 30, so I have time. In the past I've always carved pumpkins related to the local sports team. But one of my many transformations through this process is losing the passion for that. I still like to watch, but I'm not crazy like I was. It brought out the worst in me, and it has really felt empty to me for a couple of years, ever since my dad (best fan-friend) passed. Didn't even get tickets this year, which has felt liberating.

SO, anyway, no sports. I've thought about something goolish, but I'm not talented enough to do faces. I have a white test pumpkin, and I'm going to *attempt* a Great Wave off Kanagawa (paint + linoleum carver). I'll probably have to go with something simpler for the contest, but it should be fun to try, anyway!

I'd love to share a picture, but I think picture uploading is disabled here. Does anyone know if sharing an anonymous image link of a pumpkin would be kosher? I know the DB people want to keep everything anonymous here, which I agree with.