moving on from the affair forum to here

[twinmom]

I don't even know how to describe the pain, and it won't go away. No matter what I do not one single hour goes by that ex-OW isn't in my head. He did this for her, he did that for her........... blah, blah, blah...

I can't look at him without seeing her and thinking about how loving, caring and passionate he was with her. It makes me physically ill.

Even though he is living with me he isn't putting forth the effort into our marriage that he gave their relationship.

It hurts so badly to end this marriage as I feel like I am starting from square one but I know that's what I have to do. He doesn't love me and deep down I know I deserve someone who does.

So here I am, court date on October 14th and scared, nervous and even though this is my decision completely 100% devastated.