My W and I are both 33 (T 6yrs, M 3yrs). Our D is 3.5 and so wedding was about 6months after D was born. We both have decent jobs although I earn slightly more purely because I work full time.
I've ordered DB but its not arrived yet. I've read a lot of stuff on here and seen a few of the videos that go with it so picking up some bits. The only hesitation on the love languages book is that I have a stack of half a dozen books to work through.
I know a lot of things are about perception and until now I hadn't realised how my wife had seen things. For example when she was sad and upset I doubled my efforts to look after the kids thinking that I was covering for her but now I realise that she probably saw that as I'm not interested in why she is upset, and that when I didn't press her to talk about it she could easily have seen that as me not caring.
There's plenty about me not to like which I need to change but again the fact that I never truly believed that I was good enough for her is at the core of behaviours and comments that made me not good enough. Changing this is a big part of why I'm going to IC
180s that I think I need to do. - ditch any comment that says she would prefer someone else (ditching the thoughts would be good to) - talk only about the positive things from work. - run - Only talk about me when asked about me - relax about the amount of time she spends messaging other people. - relax about things that would usually frustrate me. - be grateful for what I do get rather than anxious about what I miss - do the laundry
Its a start but there is probably more
A couple of Qs where I'm not sure though:
I know I've done wrong - is there a good way to apologise or does this just highlight the negative?
I get the detaching but me seeming detached I think is part of the problem so I supposed I'm a bit confused that this would also be the solution?
How do I help her to see that I finally get what she has been trying to tell me when she is in a hostile, determined and avoidance mode?
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
