Not new here - but newly separated

[abbey1989]

So over the last month, my 50th bday came and went but H sent me flowers with a card "I Love You" made me happy. He even transferred a good sum of money for a trip that I was taking with my best friend to wine country that weekend. Since then, he has been picking up the dogs, taking them to the dog park, meeting with S23 for dinner now and then and visiting with D20 in Norcal when he has traveled there (but not every time he is there).

So this past Sunday, my S23 and I were at my parent's house for dinner, and a friend text me indicating that one of my son's friends had seen H at a bar with another woman a couple of towns over from where I live. She said she had been struggling with telling me, but that this friend of my sons had taken a picture and did I want to see it? Of course I said yes. Low and behold, it was of him (side view) and the OW I have been suspecting (just the back of her head) but I know it is her. I was so upset, told my son, and I do believe he had a right to know since his friend was the one who had seen H at the bar and took the picture. Well.......my son texted H, H called him and I guess my son really gave it to him. He tried to tell him that he rides bikes in a bike club and they go out for drinks after. Apparently though, this OW had her legs up on his legs at the bar (not in the picture) but son's friend said so. Friend thought it looked like a date.

I've talked to H about it, and since I have kind of known about this for a long time, and did get some clarity about how he got to involved with building her house, and part of why he moved out of our house was to just be finished with it (house and her?) not sure.

So after Monday, none of us were able to reach H either by text, email or phone. We really thought something was terribly wrong. I finally texted him two days later and said if one of us doesn't hear from you before the end of the day I'm going to call OW or police. In addition have I mentioned, none of us actually know where exactly he is living. Is that strange for separated couples?

Anyway, now my H is turning everything around on both of the kids saying they don't believe him all because of stupid picture, and he is livid that someone even took a picture. He told them he has lost all of their respect because of this picture. (Son told me....well he shouldn't be doing sketchy *hit) He has turned it around, trying to make them feel really bad, and that they are hurting him. True....I guess this is none of their business, but all of this has effected our whole family.

Should I just keep out of relationship between H and my kids? They are grown adults. It is just hard to have such disharmony with everything else that is going on. Is H being overly dramatic about this? I think he is finally having to come to terms with the consequences of his actions.

Any advice?