To DB or not to DB, is it really a question?

[labug]

Humor can lighten things up or it can be a very negative device. You've written about belittling remarks, joking about her lack of education, not honoring her choices. What is humorous to you may not be so humorous to her. She may still you're belittling her.

Try a 180, stop with the humor (I noted that Wonka was uncertain about a "humorous" remark you made on another thread) it doesn't always play well, especially if it's been used to inflict pain in the past. Most importantly, cut the sarcasm. I was sarcastic and thought I was funny. I was fooling myself, I was hurtful.

A few words on sarcasm from an expert "Treating others with disrespect and mocking them with sarcasm are forms of contempt. So are hostile humor, name-calling, mimicking, and/or body language such as eye-rolling and sneering. In whatever form, contempt is poisonous to a relationship because it conveys disgust. It's virtually impossible to resolve a problem when your partner is getting the message that you're disgusted with him or her."

About choosing humor over crying, if that's actually the truth, maybe it would be good for your W to see that you have emotions other than what she's seen for years. I don't recommend crying all the time but maybe showing a different side, that you realize this is serious business but you are owning your side of it. 180s are what this is all about.