afraid I have waited too long #4

[nit84]

Wonka,

I told My W when I moved back home in December and she freaked that I wasn't going to let her play house while I was living in my childhood bedroom.

I had some info but not enough in my mind to expose or accuse my W of an A. It wasn't a deal breaker for me so I thought about the worst that could be happening and felt the emotion then I let it go. Some vets gave me this advice and I tried to follow it.

As for phone calls, I know she is making them while at home but W is doing it in the privacy of her bedroom.

OM has not been in my house since I moved back and best I can tell only twice total once in Oct. 2013 and once the night before I moved back which had a lot to do with moving back. Neighbors are looking out for me so I know this is true. I didn't ask them to watch my house but they offered when I spoke with them that there was no suspicious activity while I was away.

When it comes to the laundry issue, I should have said something the very first time I discovered this. When I finally did My W knew I was pi**ed and that I thought it was disrespectful of her to be doing it at all let alone in my home.

I pondered throwing it all out but didn't.

When I explained to my W my feeling of disrespect she denied it all as I expected and got defensive. I continued on and she said I thought this was ending nicely but you always have to start s**t. I explained that I wasn't doing that and sorry felt that way. I was just letting W know that it was wrong. I could have raised my voice more but I didn't.

It does no good now but my thinking at the time was by letting the W know I knew what was going on. She would wonder what else I know about. I have plenty of intel but have been advised by my L to keep most of it to myself for right now.

This keeping stuff to myself till needed seemed to work back when the spousal support hearing took place. She said she was shocked to find out what info I had and how I surprised her and her L by showing up with a L when I hadn't told her that I was retaining a L. She was not providing her L with certain info, according to my L, that probably could have saved some embarrassment on their part.

After the hearing she was furious and I explained to her that this is what D looks like when you(I) have to protect yourself moving forward. I never got into a screaming match but I firmly told her that she was just pi**ed that she got caught having an A and doing other things that looked fishy.

I was "dead to her" at that point she said. I went about my own business not worrying about her. A week later she started up a conversation that grew into an argument no yelling on my part, a lot on hers, I validated as much as I could. She mentioned that a lot of people asked if I begged, pleaded, or asked her to work on things and said I love you to her. She told them I hadn't. I did at the very beginning of the S but not since until the day of the spousal support hearing.

That day I told her I know what is going on with OM if you stop the A we can work on things because I do love you but can't work on things while you are doing this. She denied the A so that ended that.

Her version was, the first time you told me you loved me in a year was after the hearing while you were accusing me of have an A.

I don't let the possibility of my W getting upset affect whether I say something or not.

I think that I over think things before I do act and then the timing is off to have any effect.

I also value your opinion Wonka and welcome any other advice, suggestions, criticisms etc.. as you see I certainly could use the guidance.