my plan was to simply provide positive stability for my family, shielding them from her behavior, until the A dies out or she comes out of the fog.
Yeah.....that was my plan, too. That is not going to work out for me, and I hate to say I don't think it's going to work out for you either. Apparently, these things take time. I hope someone else has advice on what you should do next. I'm grateful that H still lives in my house and we have a semi-graceful exit plan. I'm not dealing with a WAS who simply doesn't show up sometimes. He's only done that once, apologized profusely, and hasn't done it again. If there's a next time, his clothes will be on the sidewalk when he gets here.
