I can be the lighthouse but not the tugboat

[daring]

Thanks Shining, FY and 2B for the support and perspective. It really helps.

Shining I'm going to try and hop on your ride and cycle out the anger as I don't like it! I don't want to suppress it either thiugh as that will just prolong this cycle.

FY- yes there are positives. He is trying to notice my feelings. His mean part of MLC happened before BD in 2010-2012. I am very thankful that is not the case now and will try to focus on that.
As far as the resentment- you are right but it's not actually about the kids expenses. I'm good with that though I think the other issue I'm upset about is spilling over....
In the thick of his MLC H didn't file our taxes, for 3 years! Then in 2012 he started his company. The set up of it resulted in much more of a tax burden then expected. It's all coming back to bite us now. We owe hundreds of thousands due to accumulated fees and penalties and are close to having wages garnished and stuff taken.
I have a lawyer and have been working diligently to decrease expenses and save money to pay towards it. H is going to pull some money from his company that is a joint shareholder account to pay down the tax burden but I will have to pay that back ( as I'm the only one with the means for now). I'm frustrated that he's out buying stuff and I'm working on not changing our kids lifestyle but still paying this off. I know he feels bad about not being able to contribute based on comments sometimes but then he goes out and gets stuff thats not absolutely necessary. So I need to figure out how to let that go- I know it only hurts me in the long run to feel this way. And thus far I have managed to not be nasty about it to H- all those cuss words are only in my head and on here for now

2B I agree I need some GAL time! I'm still on call this weekend but hoping I can do something fun one of the days.
I also have fantasies of a DB meetup where we can all GAL for a weekend!!!