still waiting

[Ahoy]

thanks, raliced. The dreams are my way of processing, and sometimes in my dreams I'm furious with him, other times loving. When it's the latter, I wake up feeling so sad (this is part of what threw me for an emotional loop earlier this week). I know it's part of the mourning process for my M. I know I won't be in this emotional state forever, but I sure wish it would pass.

I read on these threads about folks who have been standing, or working on piecing for YEARS, and I wonder if I'm up to the task. I want to be, but at the same time, how much of my lifetime is worth it, and how will I know if I'm making the right decision?

Part of my wants to be patient and let the situation evolve as it will, granting H full agency to do what he's going to do, one way or another, and another part of me wants to be over and done with this so I can move on with my life. Living in the uncertainty -- both relative to him, and to my own needs -- is difficult. I know that's what detaching is all about, though. Some days are harder than others.

Need to make GAL plans for next week!