thank you all for your input. CB, i really appreciate hearing your pov on this...as you seem to be much like my H. He also processes his emotions of rejection and I tend to believe he's 'just pouting'
so...last night... I got home from work and did my thing with the dog (we play frisbee after work). Then I sat down with my H and asked him if he was 'in a funk' the past couple of days because of our convo Monday or due to work. He said it was our convo...apparently some things were said that made him feel bad/down, etc. He did not wish to rehash it, said he needed to process. I told him that I was rather randy and asked if he wanted to go get naked and see what happens. He didn't necessarily believe me or that I was really in the mood as he thought I was just faking it. I assured him I was not. we had some good wine and convo and then went into the bedroom where I showed him that I wasn't faking. However, after nearly 3 hours without him having release, I was exhausted and frustrated and pretty sore...so we went to sleep...I did anyway, I doubt he slept much (he has insomnia issues)...got up this morning and he was on the couch...so I asked if he wanted to finish what we started...again, nearly an hour and still no release for him! I had to stop to get ready for work (he has off today)... I feel like a failure. I can't give my own H any release! I tried, I did all the things he likes and he did all the things I like. but no release for him!
His original attitude after work yesterday (not believing me) would normaly have me give up and walk away, but my 180 there was that I persisted. I can't blame him for having a negative attitude when I suggested we continue in the middle of the night when a certain part of his anatomy is wide awake. I've pushed him away too many times for him to believe I would let it happen at 4am. That will just take time and repeated acts of not pushing him away.
I just feel so frustrated that after so many hours of fooling around/ML, he didn't finish. I get angry. I get resentful because here I am putting myself out there for something I have to push myself to want and then it fails.
ForeverYoung, yes I have read that part of the book and you're right, I don't necessarily see it as anything being 'wrong' I'm just not a high desire person. I don't know (and don't much care) the reason why that is, it just is. At times I think, I accept it, why can't he? On the other hand, I think I'm a bit backwords...once I am stimulated, then I have the desire and arousal, etc. So, I do like it once it starts, it's the starting that I have trouble with. I'm working on just letting it happen, rather than rejecting the idea off the cuff. I guess you could say I try to follow the Nike advice and "just do it".
Like I said, he is off today and had mentioned that he needs/wants to read the book so he can get a better understanding of my pov. Perhaps he'll start reading today. I just need to be patient and let him read at his own pace.
Again, thank you all for your words of wisdom and experience. I appreciate and I'm sure my H does too
