EA then PA with her ex

[Anaru]

Fair question. First post jitters - so was trying to keep it short.
To be clear I was stating my boundaries in no uncertain terms to her - stay (and commit to our marriage) or go (and figure it out on her own - or with the OM). She was going to keep seeing him from under my roof.
Pretty much the usual options seems to me.
Quietly insistent rather than pushing hard.
Right now the OM seems to have no interest in committing to anything. W is turning to me - and acknowledged in a message to me that many would have called it quits and thanked me for supporting her while she dealt with her problems.
The DR approach (not pursuing, creating space, GAL etc) really seems to be working even though the bomb dropped only this month I can say it has helped me cope a lot better. And it is opening up the possibility that we will make it through together.

Interesting: W had befriended OM's ex-W. She was curious to know how she (OM's ex) had finally made the decision to get a D. Her illusions that OM's marriage was perfect were shattered and she heard a few home truths about OM's behaviour/personality that she also sees herself now. Still didn't stop her hopping into bed with him on several occasions over the summer tho.
One of my points to W was she had to also make it right with the OM's ex. Befriending OM exW almost under false pretenses just was not right. So she told the exW this week and the exW has gone ballistic. Angry messages to my W and the OM and a lot of heat.
Am staying neutral. Striking while the iron is cold (DR). She needs to feel the painful consequences of her behaviour and this is one way. W will also need to tell her mother that it was a PA (her mother knew she was seeing other guy as EA and definitely did not agree with it).