daring, no apology needed. It's not a highjack to me, and feel free to post anything. You, Mighty, everyone....you all are definitely helping by sharing your experiences and opinions. I welcome all of it. Even if I don't like what some may have to say, I appreciate the honest perspective. I have found that sometimes, it's the posts that rattle me a bit that get me looking deeper. I believe it gets me to think differently, and help me come out of this whole. Highjack away .
uR, I caught myself after my mind-dump....I was being hard on myself. I am starting to notice it more now. I'm hoping I'll be able to change that, little by little. I see what it does to me inside...it's not the direction I want my thoughts to go, for sure.
My kids used to see me cry when we went through the custody stuff, and dealing with xh before it all was final. I was so scared. Then I didn't cry much for years.
Crying isn't shameful in our house. But I don't want them to worry about me. And they do. I keep reassuring them that this is part of the process of grieving. I believe they understand. They don't like seeing me sad, though. And I think it makes my S18 more mad at H when he sees me hurting.
I didn't text H. (Thank you, pukedog). I can ABSOLUTELY feel him struggling. I can almost picture it. I hate that he has to go through this, because it isn't going to fix things inside of him.
I don't believe he would end our M if he could figure this out. But that's logic, and he can't see it now. I really do get that. I ache for him. The effects of his words and actions still hurt me. Not as long, and not as deep as before. I have to feel all of this, I know. All of this is a "have to". I just don't have to like it, right?
I wish I had wine tonight, lol!! I could use some. I think I've regrouped.
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