Shining, you are so hard on yourself. You are sad. It is a sad thing. It's ok to feel that way. I know that there is always hope that it isnt going to happen.
So, it's ok for your kids to see you cry. You dont want them to think it isnt ok to be upset over all of this. What would that say to them? You just dont want it to be all the time, then they get concerned.
I really dont think I would text him. What would you say,really?
Let it sit. Tomorrow could be very different. He is struggling. You can feel it, right?
I know it is hard to have your heart and head reconciled. One affects the other and its hard to untangle that.
He isnt rejecting you. He is hating himself. He cannot feel better. It is really sad.
Take care of you tonight. Cry, journal, have a glass of wine. Do whatever will comfort you. When you are ready...regroup.
Get back on your path. He needs to let this play out. You need to let him.
Shining, I know this is so hard. I am sorry it is. But I believe with all my heart that this was a journey you were meant to go on.
